Apologies And Excuses

Writer’s block… I have no words to describe how frustrating it is to stare at your screen for ten minutes, writing a sentence and erasing it, repeating this process over and over and over again, until you give and just turn to browsing your Facebook instead. But I’m sure I don’t have to explain it, since we’re all writers here.

I have little to no patience, with myself or with others. I didn’t pursue art, my first love, because I just couldn’t go through with completing a drawing I once started. My father says that I never finish what I’ve begun; that may be true, but the main problem are my expectations. I have an image in my head about how I want a sketch or an article to turn out. As I’m working on it, and I somehow get it in my head that it won’t reach my expectations, I just abandon it. I don’t try to work harder or start over, I just leave it and promise myself I’ll finish it another time.

IMAG2281

Cartoon: Characters I was developing for a comic storyline.

This is why I have a dozen unfinished sketches in my book. This is why I have several drafts on my blog. This is why I have an un-finished novel posted on a website. This is why I have heaps of unfinished bracelets and earrings in my workbox.

Faceless Ballerinas

Faceless Ballerinas: I was dissatisfied with their legs, hence I abandoned the whole drawing.

This is also why I’m having trouble with writing the second part of my history lesson. There’s so much I want to say in it, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to. And that innate fear of being substandard, has me wanting to leave the project all-together.

Maybe a few days later, I’ll get a spark of inspiration and finally write about my kinsfolk and their history. Until then, off to other projects, and my sincerest apologies to those who were waiting for my article!

Untitled2

My Rendition of Andy Biersack: The lead singer of metal band Black Veil Brides has a face that just begs to be drawn, but I got as far as his eyes, the rest was left as an outline.

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5 thoughts on “Apologies And Excuses

  1. alienorajt says:

    This is GREAT! You express the uncertainties and high expectations of creativity beautifully. I love your ballerinas, and wish I could draw like that. Ali

  2. What Ali said… I don’t believe any of these false starts are ever wasted. In many respects they are almost essential… laying foundations and pathways which become connected in the fullness of time, and, once stewed in the subconscious machinations, will surely come out in the form and story that they were always meant to inhabit… 🙂

    • Well said! I agree with you. Many times I have flipped back the pages and completed a drawing I had previously left undone. And they always turn out exceptionally well. I would look at them and ponder that maybe if I tilt the eye a little, darken the hair and sharpen the cheekbones of the originals sketch the result would be more striking! I’ve never thrown out an unfinished piece of art or craft, maybe one day I will finally be able to connect all the pieces…

  3. Linda says:

    With old age you will find that the things left undone are only practice for life.
    Keep your father happy however and don’t use perfection as an excuse. Another word for excuse is ‘blame’. My husband never even starts anything because he is a perfectionist! Frustrating to those of us around him to say the very least!
    You writing is going very well. Each time I come here, I am reminded of what an expressive articulate person you are. You are doing a great job. Thank you for the read.

    • Thank you for the encouraging words Linda. I’ll keep your advice in mind the next time I hesitate to start something in the fear of leaving it un-finished!
      I’m glad you’re enjoying my writing.

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