The reason I’m finally blogging today is because my English class got cancelled. As I read a message informing us of this unexpected occurrence, a warm glow of happiness started spreading through my veins, until it stopped midway and my body froze instead.
My teacher, a sweet woman indeed, is ill and in the hospital.
It is at times like these that I despair. My social awkwardness kicks in. I put on earphones and lose myself in the world of words.
I cannot help but feel happy. And yet I feel sad. Also, I feel guilty for feeling happy. Such a whirlwind of feelings leaves me reeling from the proverbial blow.
It happens a lot.
A friend I don’t like much is shifted to another school. I don’t like her, but she was a friend. Now she’s gone. What should I feel?
An item I have had for ages, that I’ve grown tired of, breaks. It was old, it had memories. But I wasn’t a big fan of it. Now it’s gone. What should I feel?
And, the ultimate, a person I hate is dead. Seeing his family’s grief is sad but … I hated him. Now he’s gone. What should I feel?
That is why today I am going to suppress my happiness and feel sad, as I should be feeling. But the guilt will remain. And to ease it I will pray sincerely for a women who deserves to be hale and healthy.