You There Vampire, Eat Stake!

More appropriate covers of the book (left) and the DVD (right). Pictures taken from

More appropriate covers of the book (left) and the DVD (right). Pictures taken from

What’s the best way to kill a Vampire in Pakistan?

First, invite him in. Pour him a cup of tea and settle him down on the living room couch. Make sure all kids, pets and men are hidden away safely. Because, we all know that tall, dark and handsome Vampires always interact with women.

Next, go to the kitchen. Wear your ‘Bite the Cook’ apron (because you want to seduce the Vampire into sucking you dry). Take out that prime cut of chicken (because everyone likes chicken) you had placed in the cold box. Throw it on the grill and let it cook. Steam some veggies, but its doubtful the Vampire will eat them (because nobody like vegetables). Finally, whip up a creamy sauce, some mashed ‘taters and present the steak to your undead guest on a (preferably silver) platter.

Wait, did I say steak? I meant stake! We all loathe those who say then, when they should say than and their when they should say there. Those who meat-up when they should be meeting-up. Then, there are those who do not know the difference between a cooked hunk of meat and a metal/wooden post which is pointed at one end.

We youngsters of the Twilight/Teen Wolf/True Blood age  commonly know a stake as a Vampire-hunting weapon, then why does the Pakistani youth insist on slaughtering Vampires with high-quality chicken undercuts (because everyone likes chicken)?

I thought this gross confusion of suitable Vampire-killing weapons with edible masterpieces was because of my peers not reading enough English books and not watching enough English movies.

But then, they’ve all watched and read the Twilight Saga…

I blame it on the Vampires!

3 thoughts on “You There Vampire, Eat Stake!

  1. bilalsidiki says:

    Everyone likes Chicken and Nobody Likes Vegetables
    Chicken and Vegetables would say: Stereotyping gosh!

    We all blame the Vampires, Blood Sucking Eternal Super Powerful White Beings – Whats not to Hate – gosh! 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s