The last month has been a roller coaster ride. I don’t like roller coasters. I have never been on one nor do I ever intend to try it.
We don’t have many amusement parks in Pakistan, the ones that do have rides like roller coasters are only for those who are eager to part with their lives. Whenever I’m in Pakistani amusement parks I’m counting the number of rusted screws on the ground beneath the rides.
Such was the situation during the past month.
Imagine a dilapidated Pakistani roller coaster track with gaping holes in it. The tunnels it passes through have recurring rings of fire. It then hovers through an ice cavern with icicles pointing towards you, inches from your face. The final plunge is into a dark ravine with bats screeching overhead. But at the end, you slowly emerge into a clear pond where swans glide about and birds sing overhead. You pass under a rainbow and the roller coaster finally stops on the serene waters before ejecting you into real life.
The past unbearably hot month has pushed me into many situations; internships through references (a practice I hate), tough exams, family dramas, new-found friendships with nameless strangers, a niece at the ‘terrible-twos’, losing good friends, university fiascos and migraines.
I have, as usual, emerged relatively unscathed.
I have, however, noticed a few changes in myself. I have become more passionate about the things I believe in. I have learned to fight for what I want. My fiery and quick temper, though still as intense as it has been for 19 years, has become calmer, sneakier. It rarely emerges in the usual forms of hysteria I previously experienced.
I have learned to morph it into action, determination and improvisation.
I have learnt to keep a cool smile on my face while the hot passion still simmers underneath.
I have become ice. And I have become fire.
I do not own the image Fire And Ice Sai