“That Specific Male(s)”

Okay so my blog had been taking a pretty dark turn lately, what with ashes, fire, death and all that crap. It’s now time to inject some humor back into my monologues. And also, a new WordPress friend wanted to know the history between me and “him”.

Let me clear up one thing first: Me and him were never ‘together’. In fact, we never even saw eachother face to face. In my nearly two decades here on Earth, I have had many and I mean many crushes. They never manifest into something more because a) I don’t really believe in relationships; they’re a hassle and b) I’m physically average and we all know guys fall for normal hot/cute girls and never the quirky ones like me.

So the first of these many was Moz*, who I saw at a birthday party when I was in grade 5. Then there was Kami. I saw Kami’s photos a while back, and I was like EW what was wrong with me? And Kami also turned out to be an asshole.

The one “crush” that lasted a long long while was Zed. He is a friend of a friend, and I had been stalking him on Facebook for a while before I came to know that he was on the notorious website Ask.fm. I immediately made an account on Ask.fm and hence began anonymous conversations with the one person I thoght was perfect.

Tall, buff and cute, he also had a Persian cat. Which in my eyes, was the epitome of perfection.

I can never keep a secret. Others’ secrets are forever locked in my heart and I don’t breath a word of them to anyone. My own though, are a different matter. I have also never been able to stay anonymous. I want everyone to know that it was I who ratted out the teacher or stole the chocolate from the fridge, because I just can’t keep it in for long.

So when Zed wanted to “guess” who I was, I gave him a number of hints. At the end he wanted me to “untick” but I made a stupid decision and told him I would inbox him on Facebook. And I did. To this day I still have no idea where I suddenly got the guts from to do what I did. Man…

Conversation started October 24, 2013

Me:

Hello I wasn’t going to do this but my friend said **k tum ne itna tang kiya hai becharay ko** soooo I thought I’ll message you

I’m Raiha, Abdullah’s friend and I was the spy-obsessed one on your Ask!

And humaray mutual friends mein Channa bhi ho ga but he’s more like an acquaintance and I really don’t like him that much

So yeah… Hi

Him:

Hahahaha Hi!

And abdullah’s friend? Full name?

And lol what

Mene kisay tang kia hai?** :s

I didn’t talk about the anon spy girl with anybody

Okay so now let me explain what “anon spy girl” or “ISI girl” is about. Although I was chatting with Zed anonymously, I had let my awesomely weird personality shine through. I let my love for spy novels and all things espionage known to Zed, which led him to call me spy girl or ISI (Pakistan’s infamous intelligence agency) girl. Which made me go “awwww” a lot, not that he knew, or will ever know.

I am laughing so hard right now. LMAO! I just scrolled back to 11 months ago on Zed’s Ask profile and found one of my crazy convos. Start reading from bottom to top please…

………
Great, that’s just great -__________-Β 
What would you do/think if I AM her? πŸ˜€
I would tell her to stop -.- She shouldnt start talking to me everytime portraying as a new girl.
Tch tch. You always know who’s who anyway πŸ˜€
Is that you, ISI girl? -.-
Hahaha omg poor you πŸ˜€ And no I’m not that girl. Sorry πŸ˜›
Yeah, that shit is bad lol.
Goddd I hate it when people don’t come off and leave me hanging here, thinking which ones which. Does that make any sense? ._.
That is so awesome. You’re such a 10/10 *_* πŸ˜€ And I won’t beat up such a pretty boy as you, don’t worry πŸ˜› BUT my daddy bought me a Tazer I’m not afraid to use :3
Hahaha I have been a victim of pepper spray :p Being the typical army-brat-so-I-am-tough, I took my aunt’s pepper spray and sprayed a bit of it on my hand, nothing happenened, i was like dayeeem i am strong, but afterwards I subconsciously rubbed my eyes, i cried for two hours and had a red nose :’)

For the record, are you the same girl who said i can be hardy and emotional at the same time? :p jus’ askin’
Dude not all feminists are hairy biker freaks who like to beat men or who write long lectures on men being baaad xD I’m a very feminine feminist ^_^ And I just want men to treat and think of women as something other than pretty objects πŸ™‚
Haha okay well you prolly don’t know me then, ask my friends and they’ll tell how much of a gentleman I am with them, I don’t treat women as objects, neither do I agree with the common stereotypical roles.

Β SO PLEASE DONT BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME :C
typical. guy. soch. -_- now shut it before my feminist side wakes up πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›
Hahaha I was joking, obviously.
Oh so you are a feminist? :p I am pretty scared of them lol.
Blonde bombshell… TYPICAL guy -.- πŸ˜€
You know it :p Dumb blondes are the best thing which happened to this world :p
What’s so special about her? Apart from looking perfectly lazy with the half open eyes and all πŸ˜›
Her blonde hair, her eyes, and that cute little spot on her face. I hate her spouse -_- and her VOICE OMG
Nai aaj kal sab larkon ko Jennifer Lawrence pasand hai. Ya Mila Kunis! Fox is old now πŸ˜€ **
Blake lively *_*
***Start reading from here*** The one in bold is me…
So this was our last “conversation”. I gave up after this. I think he was getting annoyed. And he wasn’t interested at all. He had a crush on someone else. She was perfect. Zed had a lot of requirements in a girl. He said he was “fit” and so wanted a fit girl with a “flat stomach”. I just found this pathetic. The girl should also have long hair. I didn’t fit into his image of a perfect girl. I was miles apart from what he wanted: a nice, submissive, angelic beauty queen.
We had many, many other conversations, but I guess my personality didn’t get through to him. We couldn’t even stay friends…
And so we move on to HO, my other serious crush. He is also a friend of a friend. My best friend, Abdullah (Abby), apparently has a lot of hot friends.
HO was really different from Zed, he’s actually sweet. He has now joined the Army and I wish him the best of luck in life. I actually asked Abby to approach HO on my behalf. HO is emotionally unavailable. Bad breakup, girl got engaged to someone else, yada yada all that crap about relationships. But he was nice. Here’s our Ask convo:
*facepalm* shit
It’s Okay Girl πŸ˜›
okay then… if you’re so sure O_o just don’t say it here πŸ˜›
Sure I’ll convey it via Abd πŸ˜›
shit. time to disappear!
Too late πŸ˜›
na its okay if you have specs. all guys do. and I don’t believe in relationships anyway. just crushes πŸ˜€
I believe I’ve narrowed it down. I think I know who you are πŸ˜€
on what? height, weight, complexion?
Haha! None actually I’m just messing with you πŸ˜›
I don’t want a relationship. We can be friends though on ask πŸ˜›
what if I wanted that someone to be you?
Well that depends πŸ˜€
It’s fine. People don’t get me anyway. Have a good life man -x
Haha! Don’t get Emo ab πŸ˜›
someday someone will understand you πŸ˜€
no sorry bye!
After reading your previous question 2-3 times, I finally understood what it meant πŸ˜›
Sorry for the harsh answer and Oh yeah thanks πŸ™‚
somebody who has a crush on you the size of an F-16 ^_^
Who so ever you are, I didn’t understand shit what you tried to convey. Lets make this simple “untick”
Dude… No. Not Abdullah this time πŸ˜‰
Then who.? :-\
Yaaay! When? Next Saturday okay with you? McDonald’s wali kachairiyan? Baad mein waheen date bhi maar lein ge JP mein? :’) **
Theek hai Abd πŸ˜›
Let’s get married maybe? ^_^
Ok sure ^_^

***Read from here***

 

That’s all the history till now. I have no crushes at this time, and I have stopped ogling pretty guys who I know I’ll never have a chance with. I just observe from afar. I don’t even initiate awkward text conversations anymore.

It’s just not worth the jolt to self-esteem when you find that you’re not good enough for someone perfect like Zed!

Notes:

*Moz: Names have been changed a little. But still if any of these guys read this, they’ll know I’m talking about them. But I just don’t give a crap...

** Some translations in order of occurrence
– that you have teased the poor guy so much
– who have I teased?Β 
(Yeah, Zed wasn’t really a sharp one)
kachairiyan = courts
– later we will have a date in JP as well? (JP = Jinnah Park where all the riff-raff go for dates)

Related Posts:

crush forever | The misterman’s take

Another Failed Romantic Tale. | A Mercurial Peculiarity

Why you are afraid to talk to your crush | snertmandosian

I am not good enough for him | sfunnygirl

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16 thoughts on ““That Specific Male(s)”

  1. Atherz097 says:

    Hehehe XD “You’re such a 10/10 *_* πŸ˜€ And I won’t beat up such a pretty boy as you, don’t worry :P” Sounds boy crazy, I love it.

    I never understood why messages on posts and such go from English then jump in between English and gibberish (Yes, that other language is gibberish to me :P). Perhaps it was Google Translated or something?

    But haha, an anonymous spy XD And I thought only the guys did that. Those “Last conversations” are a pain, though, finding out that the person you really like finds you annoying. That’d make me want to crawl in a cave with my imaginary friends.

    • LOL I actually WAS boy crazy then!

      Dude that’s Urdu. We usually write like this in casual settings, jumping between English and Urdu! I tried to translate some phrases in the “notes” section.

      Hey, girls love spies too! πŸ˜€

      Yeah after this one I stayed in my imaginary world for a long time and then there was this guy this year who REALLY liked me because of my personality. He wasn’t annoying; he was really intellectual. But then he turned out to be the controlling type, and so am I. So we used to butt heads all the time and it was too tiring to do that… He wanted me to submit and I wanted him to agree with me instead.

      Eventually our respective crushes died out πŸ˜›

      In short: I am not compatible with either dumb pretty boys or mature brainy macho guys. Forever alone maybe? πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜€

      • Atherz097 says:

        It’s okay though xD My past was fairly creepy as well. That’s what maturity means — looking back and being like “Noooo past self, Noo!!”

        Is there any reason for it, maybe not knowing all english at the time?

        I remember there was a cartoon called “Totally Spies”, with three girl spies doing stuff. That’s really far back in memory though.

        Oh gee XD Fire vs fire, a lovely relationship! There’s plenty more types of guys out there ;P

      • Oh no. I’ve been fairly fluent for several years now. It’s just more comfortable I guess?

        LOL I HOPE there are other kinds out there… But I’ve stopped looking for them now. Maybe one day, they’ll find me πŸ˜‰

  2. I’m laughing SO HARD right now. πŸ˜›

    In all honesty, I think the conversation was pretty cute *hands-down* πŸ˜›
    And bravo to your guts girl. I too once had the courage to confess to a guy and claimed ‘I loved him’ (my goodness, can you imagine?) and he never replied. I was appalled at that time, now I just look back and laugh.

    These are bittersweet memories though. It’s just something girls share, that moment when no matter how much ‘tough’ we are we pretty much loose our senses and go do the extraordinary. πŸ˜›

    Loved this conversation. Oh, and I’m still laughing. πŸ˜€

    • LOL Akansha this is NOTHING yet. Man if you read all our conversations you’ll die laughing xD

      These things I did made me stronger and braver. Now when I read them, I laugh at my naivety instead of regretting what I did. Crushing and confessing like this, it was surely an experience I’ll always remember πŸ˜‰

    • Ahahaha… Well I’m not actually. I can just be cheesy when I want to xD and LOL I do know how to get my point across. I’m a born manipulator >:D

      I actually have ZERO tolerance for the lovey-dovey crap. All the “awww he bought me flowers” stuff is EW to me πŸ˜›

      • Yeah, the ‘romantic’ thing was sarcasm. Oh, you forgot the “Baby and Jaanu thingies.”

        *Eating ice-cream from the same spoon. EW.
        *Talking compulsorily louder (practically shrieking) when ‘HE’ is around.
        *Showing your ‘Love Texts’ to every girl in the campus.
        *And who can forget the massively uncomfortable terms- Baby, Shona, Pona, Mona, Katora, Thaali” XD XD

        Dumb Goofballs. -___-

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